i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
