Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
