thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
