Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
