my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
