atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
