I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
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If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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