Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
