Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
