I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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