They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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