All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
