do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Did I show you my penis last night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
