He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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