There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
