I think my fart just growled at me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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