you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
