She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
