I wish I only lived at night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
