We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
