and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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