i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
