Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
