some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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