I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's like heaven, but drunker
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
