im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
