Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
