Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
