Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
