Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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