Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
