You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
