i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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