He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
