I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
