hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
FUCK WHALES
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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