I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
