i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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