she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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