morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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