The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's the barista slut.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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