and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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