Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
