So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
