They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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