my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
