I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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