I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
