the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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