Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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