You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
