The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Small penises have feelings too.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
