is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
