I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
