Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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