So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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