I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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