no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's blow job season.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
