the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
