You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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