i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
