Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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