I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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