and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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