He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
