This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize