she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
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what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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