Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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