I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
