I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more