they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I deserve this hangover.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
