If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He better not be in your backpack
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Randomize
