you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
