So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
