I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
