Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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